Riding Bikes

Alex learned to ride his bike without his trainers this year, right around his 8th birthday. He's had a bike since he was 2, and loved riding, that is until I took off his training wheels when he was 6 and tried to 'force' him to learn. By forcing I mean I went into super-excited-positive-encouraging-cheerleader-you can do it!-mom mode. I tried to make it FUN and AWESOME! I failed.

Alex (green) with his best friend Mathew (blue) riding bikes at home.

By trying to force him to learn something he naturally resisted, and by trying to pressure him to learn something before he was ready I made him not want to ride his bike at all.

Forced learning is not the unschool way, and I tried to justify my actions by using strange and bizarre mom psychology on myself- "He just needs a little push and he'll thank me! He just needs to get on there and do it, then he'll see it's not so bad, and he'll thank me! He just needs to learn about hard work and the benefits of making an effort. When it pays off he'll thank me!"

So really, as I look back, I skipped over his feelings and went straight to the him thanking me part. In my head I envisioned awards and parades in my honor for helping my child achieve this milestone. In my heart, the whole time I felt guilty and awful. I knew this wasn't the right way for him. I should have listened to my heart, not my head/ego. 

After several tries, I did finally listen to my heart, and I put the training wheels back on. I didn't feel like I was giving up. I made peace with the fact that he just wasn't ready. I silenced that voice in my head that wanted to remind me that 2-yr olds in third world countries learned to ride two-wheel bikes so they could go to the market for their parents. And I made peace with the idea that if he never learned to ride a bike we would all survive just fine.   

When Alex's dad bought him a new bike, sans trainers, for the winter holiday last year, Alex was less than excited. He preferred to ride his scooter every day, and didn't touch his shiny new bike for months. I had learned my lesson already and showed excitement and gratitude for the new bike but stayed clear of any pressure for him to ride it. I allowed it to collect dust and kept my lips zipped.

Then I bought a bike at a local thrift store for myself. I had really been wanting to get back to riding for a while. The first few times we went riding together, it was me on my bike and Alex on his scooter. But he quickly realized there was unexplored territory for us to discover on bikes that he just couldn't do on his scooter.

That week, Alex learned to ride his bike.  Once he finally picked it up and saw me riding, his inner competitor kicked in and spurred him to want to try. So we tried earnestly- without pressure or expectations this time- for three days, and by day 3 he was a pro.

It was like rainbows and cupcakes and sunshine and kittens and puppies all rolled together. It was one of the best days of my life as a mom, watching him 'get it' and seeing the light in his eyes as he mastered it, on his terms.